What could you do less of?
December 11,2023
4:40 am
Fell asleep kind of early but still woke up in the middle of the night. Lots of thoughts going around in this old noggin.
What could I do less of? Good question. I have so many things to choose from.
I could do less worrying about things, especially the ones out of my hands. Just go with the flow as I have been told to do so much lately. I’m trying but it’s hard not having a solid plan or even just a plan. Everything is dependent on someone else’s schedule, decision, and time. I’m just this sideline participant at this moment. It is stressful and anxiety-producing.
This has led to a lot of jumping to conclusions on things. It has caused quite a few mistakes misunderstandings, and misconceptions on my part. I have apologized for each instance and I feel so sorry for my actions. I can only hope that any faith or trust in me hasn’t been diminished.
I feel like I have been blindfolded and being led down a path in the dark. I have to give up leading this walk and let someone else be the guide. I’m not used to it. It requires great trust. The one thing I struggled with the most.
The person leading us at the moment knows about my trust issues but keeps reassuring me that everything is going to be alright. To be patient. The other virtue that I am lacking or not strong at, is patience. I’m not used to following people, I have always been the one who is leading or making the plans. I have to put that blind faith in someone else. This has been a real test of my hope, faith, and belief in others.
It will be okay. I look back at my history with this person. All the talking and actions have been truthful and honest between us. It has been this way for over a year and a half. This person has stayed steadfast and not wavering from his words. It has been this way from the beginning. Even in my worst anxiety moments, he’s been the voice of reason and calm. It has been comforting.
I also realized that I did not really have a plan for this next chapter of my life. The original plans ended 8 years ago, I never made a new one. That is at the root of the anxiety.
I was always this person who planned things out not just for the day or week but up to 5 years out sometimes longer. Then one day, I accomplished everything that I set out to do and it was over. I never thought about what would come next. I was too focused on the task in front of me.
I have been floundering for the past 10 years. I can’t believe it has already been 10 years since I took that step off the path I was walking and headed in a new direction. If this was a story about a quest then I have fought many battles and slayed a lot of dragons already. I am finally heading into the valley of flowers and seeing the waves from the ocean on the horizon. I am finally heading towards the peace that I sought and finally arriving home.
What could I do less of besides jumping to conclusions?
Worry less and just go with the flow.
Thank you for stopping by.
Have a great week!
Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!
Suzanne
love to bake 