Hope, Faith, and Belief.

Jot down the first thing that comes to your mind.

4/19/2024

5:37 am

It has been another sleepless night, third day in a row. Insomnia has taken over lately.

I thought it was just seasonal depression, change in the weather, or just every day stress but it seems like something else but I’m not sure what.

The first thing that came to mind after seeing this prompt was hope, faith, and belief.

I am no longer a member of any church and have not been since I was 19 years old. I turn 53 on Sunday.

I saw that the hypocrisy of churches had gotten out of hand when mega churches started being built. This was the early 90’s.

It was the second time I turned to my church for help, support, or guidance only to be turned away, again at the age of 19. The first time was when I was 12 years old and was being abused. These incidents changed how I viewed organized religion.

Yet despite this, I never lost hope, faith, and belief in the greater good. I still believe that there are good people out in the world. That truth and justice will always prevail because the universe is constantly changing and so do human beings. That there still has to be some sort of balance.

I consider myself more of a spiritual person now. I turned to my upbringing and the teachings of my grandparents, my relatives, and our tribe.

I also started exploring and learning about others belief systems.

Then as I was slowly slipping into my major depression, believing and letting go were the two factors that stuck with me.

It was these two factors that helped bring me back to the surface again after spiraling down.

In that moment I threw all those doubts, worries, and trouble filled moments out to universe to be handled in whatever way possible.

To believe that things would work out for the best. The anxiety and the stressors were lessened though not completely gone.

Life though has a way of testing your limits, your beliefs, and your resolve. That’s life and should be expected. Human nature still needs to believe in something.

In my case, getting injured and not fully recovering changed my life.

The year before the injury I was constantly debating whether to start over and get different jobs as well as being let go from some of them. I was unhappy, stressed out, and felt lost. The universe answered my questions about what to do when I was put into a time out.

I have not had a job since May of 2020 because of surgery to fix the injury.

Then my VA Disability was approved a few months later. This after several denials, missing paperwork, going back and forth, while filing over and over for years from 2015 to 2020.

This is how I have been paying my bills and surviving.

I did not fully regain the strength, flexibility, and dexterity I had before. I developed tremors. It has been a struggle. I have been in constant pain and discomfort.

I filed for Social Security disability and that turned into another 4 years of back and forth. I sometimes felt like giving up but never lost hope.

I got the letter yesterday after several denials and appeals, missed deadlines, filing over and over again, two hearings, numerous doctors, specialists, and medical testing.

It was finally approved.

I felt vindicated. Someone finally listened and saw what I had been going through.

I had thrown out all of those thoughts, doubts, and negativity out into the universe to be handled however it needed to be.

I maintained that hope.

I held that faith.

I kept that belief.

Thank you for stopping by.

Have a wonderful weekend!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne