4/27/2024
1:04 pm
After doing some soul-searching recently during my insomnia-filled nights, I had the thought that these three things are different but tend to get lumped or mixed together when talking about the rights of women.
As a mother, my sole job has been to raise other human beings and as part of that duty, I never imposed my ideals or beliefs onto my children. I knew what that was like growing up. I wanted them to develop their own identity apart from mine.
I have children who are all so different and I would never dare to compare them against one another. As parents, our job is not to make another version of ourselves but to instead impart all the best parts of us and help them grow into the unique human beings they are. To elevate the next generation and keep it moving.
I have raised four people who identify in all possible ways that “society” has deemed necessary to know for whatever reason. In my thoughts, we are just human beings, all of us, everything else is this “imaginary” title or nomer that so-called civilized society wants us to carry around. It does not define us as human beings.
I am writing this as not only a mother to daughters but as a woman as well. It is based on the experiences that I have had after making my 53rd trip around the sun last weekend. It is also partly based on some things I recently read concerning the movie, “Poor Things”, but after reviews, I changed my mind about viewing it.
Feminine – “characteristics such as being intuitive, creative, empathetic, nurturing, and compassionate are typical signs of a woman who is high in her feminine energy”. (“17 Signs Of High Feminine Energy – selfhealjourney.com”)
Feminism – “a range of socio-political movements and ideologies that aim to define and establish the political, economic, personal, and social equality of the sexes”. (Political Ideology – Wikipedia
Equality – “the state of being equal, especially in status, rights, and opportunities”. (Oxford Languages – Google Search)
When I first saw the trailer for “Poor Things”, it looked like this odd movie with interesting scenes, costumes, and landscapes that I was anticipating watching. I have enjoyed some of the movies that Emma Stone has been in and she does a good job in the characters she portrays. I realized, after reading a review of the movie the day after the Academy Awards, that I never actually read the synopsis or plot of the movie.
According to online tags of the movie it was touted as “…Free from the prejudices of her times, she grows steadfast in her purpose to stand for equality and liberation.”- Searchlight Pictures.
In the movie reviews it was touted that it was this “feminist” inspired movie. The actions of the character were deemed what feminist ideals were about, the main character’s actions after discovering her sexual being. When I read that, before ever watching the movie, it was an immediate “No” for me.
I wrote out the definitions of each item, feminine, feminism, and equality to emphasize what each one means. I cannot see where the ideology behind that movie fits into these basic definitions.
I was amused that someone thought that a woman discovering her sexual being and desires, was solely the basis of feminism. I am sure that the early days suffragettes, the radical feminists of the 60’s and 70’s, and the current activists for women’s rights would disagree.
I know there are others out there who will not agree with what I write. I have heard the arguments for and against this as being a part of this cause, women’s sexual freedom. I understand where the point of view is coming from but as a person who was traumatized and abused for a majority of my life by men and sometimes women, I dispute and disagree with that.
Control, power, and greed are why there is still prostitution, human trafficking, sex trades, and abuse. Those who fall victim to these categories have no freedom of choice nor ironclad laws to protect them, in any country. A majority of the victims are female but it happens to males as well. I do not see that as sexual freedom. Apparently in the movie the main character resorts to prostitution at one point in her journey of discovery.
If these were legally recognized forms of work or industry, that people willingly participated in, and it was taxed or regulated that is a whole different issue but they are not. They are instead forms of enslavement and abuse.
There are also no real protections in place as it concerns equality in jobs, pay, education, housing, or opportunity. We as women are supposed to just “realize that is how it is and what is expected”. If you are a minority woman then things are stacked against you even more.
Yet, when it comes to issues in our society, it is always about this perceived notion of power and control. In the end, you cannot take all that you have acquired with you, and you will be forgotten over time. That is the truth for every living being on this floating rock in space.
Misogyny – “hatred or prejudice against women…”. (Britannica) It is generally accepted that misogyny is a consequence of patriarchy or a male-dominated society. This term may apply to individuals, belief systems, and cultures. In my experience, it can also be from other women.
***05/15/24 10:31 pm – Continuation
I took a brief pause while writing this post. I had to gather my thoughts and work through the unexpected feelings that came up during the process.
There was a lot of introspection about my working career and relationships with others. The effect it had while pursuing academics, being a working mom, and becoming a parent from the very first job to the last one.
I could never understand why I did not get along well with other women. Whether it was in an academic setting, a workplace, the military, and sometimes in my own family. In my interactions with men in these same settings, I was mostly just “one of the guys”.
I always assumed it had something to do with racism, misogyny, or sometimes just that green eyed monster, jealousy. I realized during the initial writing that there is always more to the picture than can be seen.
Then as I began writing about feminism, equality, and femininity the wheels of thought began turning. I realized that most of my life has been spent trying to fit in and getting people to like me as a person.
This is in contradiction to how I felt or what I believed about myself. I grew up mainly influenced by male figures in my family, workplaces, and while in school. They taught me to stand up for myself, how to defend myself, and to never be afraid to say no. The female figures told me to always remember where I came from and that I was more than capable.
That is how I made myself fit in the places where I lived, worked, or went to school. I stayed true to who I was. An honest, trustworthy, ethical, compassionate, and hardworking individual. A person who never saw likeability as being that important. Instead finding my purpose has been the goal.
Then along the way, the norms of how I was supposed to be changed. I was expected to be more or had to prove myself over and over again but mainly to other women. The group of people I had always expected to have my back. Realizing they saw me as a competitor for whatever it was we were involved in, and not a friend.
There was also a shift in the dynamics of my relationships with men as I sorted through the depression that I was carrying with me from the trauma I survived.
These shifts had profound affects on my behavior and how I carried myself sometimes breaking me down in the process. I continued on despite the insecurities, self-doubt, and kept pushing forward.
Take for example, recently, I attended my official graduation from the bookkeeping course I completed this past December. It was during this ceremony process that the reality that maybe my way of working or accomplishing things was seen as a threat to others. Those thoughts also tied into the recent job loss.
As I said before, I have always been a hard worker but it is the overachievement that others see instead, not the hard work that I put into my efforts. There is this automatic comparison being made because we have all grown up with the notion that as women we are constantly having to prove our worth and value to others. We are not being seen as equal to men and sometimes not with one another.
During our graduation ceremony, I finally met some of the students that I had only seen online and never in person. There were to be 15 of us graduating from the accounting and bookkeeping courses, and others were completing their associate degrees. All of these accomplishments were being celebrated. These are the possible stepping stones to better futures and financial stability. The group I was with was all women.
We were standing there waiting as they lined us up. Everyone was so chatty and excited about it all. One of the students was taking selfies and included me in this process. I met other Indigenous students which was also good to see. It was nice to feel included in those moments but it did not last.
The director of the program and an instructor came over to our group to go over the order we were to walk in when they mentioned the outstanding student. A student from my course remarked that we were all outstanding students and did not realize or know that there was an award being given out. She also realized that we all had different items on our caps and gowns. She started asking questions about why they were different.
The student remarked “I guess a 3.9 GPA doesn’t get you anything” when she found out what the award and the accoutrements were about. The instructor tried to make it light-hearted by joking and remarked “You are an achiever, just not an over achiever”. That did not sit well with her or the others. It was just a poor choice of words on his part.
Once the group of students I was standing with realized that I had been picked as the outstanding student, they stopped talking to me, grouped up, and turned away from me. I felt so awkward standing there by myself.
A few minutes before that, we were all standing together chatting and being friendly. The instructor noticed it and started asking questions, trying to keep everyone chatting with one another but it did not work.
I had picked up my cap and gown package the week before the graduation and it contained the extra items. I had no idea what they represented. Later that week I received an email informing me that I had been picked as an outstanding student for my course. I found out the white stole was for perfect attendance, the medal was for maintaining a 4.0 GPA, and the cords were for being a veteran.
These three different schools had 700 students graduating from numerous programs and 25 students were picked as outstanding students for maintaining academic excellence and representing the school’s core values. The directors of the programs made the choices. I had no idea that it was going to occur until that email, it was never mentioned during our course.
We were the first group to go into the ceremony and took up the first two rows of the seating, down in front, and before the stage. The auditorium was packed with people waiting to see their graduates. It was noisy but there was an air of anticipation and excitement.
During the beginning speeches, there was the recognition of the outstanding student awards, the presidential honors, and veteran students. I got to stand up three different times during the recognition portion and it was all a little overwhelming, I got a little teary-eyed. Then it was time to walk across the stage.
The group I was in was the first to go up. After we received our accolades and sat down, the next group was going across but by the beginning of the third group, I looked around and realized that there were only 6 of us left sitting in the first two rows, the rest had gotten up and left.
They left before the ceremony ended, which I found quite rude to the other graduates. We were told that we had to sit until we were dismissed.
The students who left the ceremony were the ones that I was standing with before that whole outstanding student award thing was mentioned. I do not know if they got upset and left or they just had to leave early. I understand maybe one or two but not almost two rows of students. It was kind of disheartening to see. The president of the schools, the directors over programs, and the instructors could see the empty rows from the stage.
The two students who were still beside me for the rest of the ceremony talked to one another. I tried engaging them in conversation but was ignored or they stayed on their phones. When the ceremony ended I turned to wish them good luck and congratulations but they had already left.
I stood there and waited for my son who also completed his first course, we had a passerby take a picture for us.
I tried to stay in a positive mindset afterward but the nagging thoughts of “Why do they see me so differently?” were at the forefront. There was this need to find an answer to this question that has plagued me my whole life.
Then the other day, I realized, it does not matter in the grand scheme of things. I am happy with my life, family, and relationship. I am proud of my accomplishments because I worked extremely hard to achieve them. No one can take that away from me.
I know that I will never be able to change others’ perception of me and make them accept me, why would I try? We are who we are and we only change when we want to. We are in charge of ourselves and our destiny. I made decisions about the life that I wanted a long time ago and have been steadily pursuing those ideas, aspirations, and dreams.
One day, hopefully, we will all be seen as just people. It is not about being female, or male, or how we identify ourselves.
We all have some sort of success or achievement to be proud of and celebrated. We all have something to contribute to society. We all have a chance but we decide whether to take it or not.
One day the notion that power, control, and greed are paramount will fall to the wayside, and humanity, harmony, and peace will prevail instead.
Until then, I will continue being me.
I will continue striving for and reaching my goals.
I will maintain the hope, faith, and belief that has kept me going all these years.
I will continue to see the goodness in human beings and seek out humanity.
Thank you for stopping by and supporting this blog.
Have a fabulous week!
Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!
Suzanne
love to bake 