Update to “Jealousy, Pettiness & Russell Crowe – Things that killed a relationship”

8/17/2024

5:44 pm

I titled this as an update to a previous article I wrote about this actor in July 2017, in a roundabout way it is.

In that previous article I wrote about this weird jealousy my ex-husband displayed when it came to me watching anything with Russell Crowe in it. Then there was the pettiness that my then family, parents and siblings, would create because of it. The whole thing was just one of the crazy things that I had to deal with back then and it was ridiculous. We did not know this person in real life, an actor, and a famous one at that.

It almost came to a full circle moment today but such is life, things do not always go as planned.

That article was written in a time when I was still dealing with my emotions, the depression, and the anxiety. Writing on this blog became an outlet for me creatively. I was writing about my depression, my divorce, my ex-husband and his passing, the online scammers, and myriad of other topics.

Time moved on, my mental well-being calmed, and things took a different turn than expected. I attempted online relationships on and off for years that left much to be desired, too many scammers.

Then I found one person who has been coming back to me on and off for years. We are in a relationship with one another even though I have no idea where it is heading. I am trying to be patient and wait and see.

I was injured, lost my job, did not recover fully, and now on disability. This is my main income and the only attempt at working after four years of down time, I failed at miserably. I am just not the same person anymore. I need a new strategy.

We as a family grew, I became an empty nester, and we survived a pandemic. There was one small ripple in our plans and my youngest came home from college. He went through his own trauma and is finally back on track again. That brings us to today.

About a month ago, I saw this advertisement for a concert at one of our local casinos. It was Russell Crowe’s Indoor Garden Party Tour. He scheduled a few concert dates in the USA and we were one of them, here in Tulsa, OK. I got so giddy with the notion of getting a VIP ticket so I could actually meet him in person.

I was so looking forward to it but then life happens. I needed the cash for car issues and just household expenses. Feeling down about it, I moved on with my daily life, knowing for a brief moment it had been a happy possibility.

Then one day this past two weeks, I came home from another doctor’s appointment after which there was this back and forth about it, once again I felt as if no one was listening to me and I was out of sorts. I had gotten an email alert and was checking on another scheduled medical appointment.

I noticed an email from the casino saying that I had won 2 free complimentary tickets to Russell Crowe’s concert. Once again this feeling of elation and excitement hit me. I called the number, verified my rewards club number, and secured two tickets. I was so happy, the opportunity to see and hear him in person was just overwhelming.

Then my son got a new job after being out of work for over a year now. It is at a new premium outlet mall with high end and luxury brands. It is a great opportunity for him.

The problem was that every extra amount of funds had to be allocated towards the fuel to drive him back and forth. We were running low; we asked his siblings for assistance until my disability check deposited but then he got his one day of training check and we thought it would be fine. The increase in the amount of traffic each day since it has opened was causing us to use more fuel than we initially calculated.

Today, after I picked him up after work, the traffic was backed up, and after calculating how much funds we needed to go home, change, and then get back to the venue as well as his work, it was not going to be possible to attend, even with the free tickets.

I felt so defeated in that moment.

When we got home, I took a shower to cool off, and I silently cried as the water poured over my head. Those words, the words my husband would say to me whenever I showed interest in any of this actor’s work, were at the forefront of my thoughts. “You are not beautiful enough”.

I do not know why these words came to mind and it just made me feel anger. Anger for letting his words still get to me after all these years. I finished my shower, fixed me something to eat, and began writing this blog post.

It was 45 minutes later, I was finally starting to feel better, and was looking for a movie to watch when my son knocked on my door.

***8/18/2024 1:22 am – continuation

Plot twist.

He said, “Give me twenty minutes to get ready, we are going to that concert!”. I kept telling him “No, we cannot afford the gas.“ Apparently he had been on the phone with one of his sisters, argued with her about the money for the gas, and then asked her “When will she get this opportunity again?” She sent funds to cover the gas.

I kept thinking about how this would make his siblings feel towards me about this situation and it must have shown on my face as we were driving. My son said to me “When the opportunity is there, you sometimes just need to take it, and you deserve to have some fun, we both do.”

I have always been the “responsible and prudent” one in my family. Always over analyzing everything, scrutinizing every move I make, and never thinking about what I want or desired, just what others need from me. I have a habit of buying things, holding onto them, then returning it if someone needs help or assistance.

We went to the concert and when Russell Crowe came on stage to sing, I cried. It was that cathartic.

I could finally let those thoughts and words go that have been with me for almost 26 years. My ex-husband’s attempts to thwart my happiness with his bitter words did not work, even in his afterlife.

I finally had that full circle moment.

This concert was officially my first one and the bonus was it featured my favorite actor. I feel better and that heaviness I have been carrying the past few weeks has lifted. I might get a full night’s rest tonight.

Russell Crowe and his band will be leaving early tomorrow morning. I wish them a safe journey home. Thank you for this wonderful memory.

Thank you dear reader for stopping by and visiting my blog.

Have a wonderful week!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne