Invisible – Is it racism or something else?

8/22/2024

2:56 pm

Racism – “the belief that different races possess distinct characteristics, abilities, or qualities, especially so as to distinguish them as inferior or superior to one another.”

Intolerance – “unwillingness to accept views, beliefs, or behavior that differ from one’s own.”

Indifference – “lack of interest, concern, or sympathy.” “unimportance.”

Stereotyping – “a generalized belief about a particular category of people.”

These definitions or terms I feel are all similar and related to how others are perceived or sometimes even judged solely on appearances. This is just my opinion and is based on experience.

The experiences I have had over a lifetime regarding how I have been treated have never been fully forgotten.

In my therapy group, we talk about misconceptions, misperceptions, and miscommunication as it applies to our interactions with others. In theory, this is what may be occurring but at the same time, it is the actions and behaviors of others as the root cause.

Over the last couple of days, I realized that the only way it can be fully understood is when biases no longer exist or change.

We are all consumers of products, goods, and services due to the capitalistic society we live in. The only difference is what we choose to participate in or use our funds towards.

Some consumers collect things, enjoy taking trips, like fashion or music, go to the movies, eat out at restaurants, or have hobbies. I am not talking about being responsible for our daily living such as rent, car payments, food, utilities, pets, or medical necessities because we all do that.

The last two trips to different stores this past week have made me see that even though I am included in that category of “consumer” along with everyone else, the retailers, management, and employees do not see me. I am sometimes not treated the same. I am deemed less important because of something that I have no control over, the color of my skin.

In my younger days, I would be very direct, and call out employees or management when they would have their in-store security follow me around while I shopped. As I got older, I realized it never made a difference.

I approached this writing as if it were an assignment and I like gathering data to include in these types of posts. It is supporting evidence that it is not just my opinion.

Statistically, per the FBI crime data, dating from 2019, the profile of a shoplifter or one who commits theft is not even remotely close to me as a person. These are the stats that I found.

**Note: The stats have not been updated due to crime fluctuations during the pandemic and some agencies not reporting data during the 2020 to 2023 time period due to other issues, it was also noted that some of the percentages where rounded for clarity in reporting. The following information was listed in those data tables:

According to these stats, I have referred to this type of information countless times over in previous years, the most likely demographic to commit a shoplifting or larceny/theft act is a white male over the age of 18. Previously, that demographic was a white female over the age of 18 but in recent years those numbers have flipped.

If this database of information is reliant on both local law enforcement and retail industry reporting, then why are minorities always singled out as the issue? Numbers do not lie.

I have seen arguments about recent looting and mob incidents related to protests or natural disasters when it comes to “who to blame”. If you look closely or study those “viral” video clips there is never just one particular group of people committing the crime. It is in people’s nature to go into “survivor” mode when faced with a catastrophe. The media only shows what narrative is trying to be pushed.

Why this topic and why am I going on this tangent?

In the last two days, I went to two vastly different retailers but was treated the same way, ignored, and dismissed as not important. Then to be followed in the store while I was browsing was just the icing on the top.

The first retailer I went to, Dollar Tree, was a location that I had not been to before. The moment I walked in, the cashier and the manager just looked at me. They did not greet me or make me feel welcome.

Yet, the woman with the child who came in right after me as I was getting a cart was greeted with “Welcome to Dollar Tree, is there anything that I can help you with?” Then this occurred for every person afterwards. These store locations are relatively small and compact, you can hear everything.

When I went to check out, the cashier once again ignored me, and did not chat with me even once. Before that, I could hear her loudly discussing topics and laughing with every customer she checked out.

She first told me “Hold on a moment” then turned to greet and chit chat with a coworker who was arriving at the store as well as continue her chat with the manager. Then she rang up my items, put the receipt in the bag, and turned back around to continue with her conversation. Not so much as a “thank you or have a nice day”, she did not even make eye contact during the transaction.

I was disappointed and slightly angered by it. At that moment I felt I did not matter even though I was another paying customer.

The next day, I went to Vera Bradley at the new premium outlet that just opened up. I wanted to browse the outlet stores and see what they had to offer. I had no intention of buying anything but window shopping or browsing is a good way to just get out of the house. Checking prices and saving up for something is always an option. I was excited about this store because I liked their bags. I walked up to the door as a customer was walking out, so I held the door and she said thank you as she passed by.

I walked in and a worker was standing by these wall shelves near the door and was putting items on it. She turned and just looked at me, not saying anything. I stepped to the side to look at some of the bags they had on display when another customer walked in. That is when the employee smiled, greeted the customer, and asked if she needed help finding anything. I just looked at the employee as she also greeted the next customer that came in after that.

I felt dispirited. I was ignored again by a retailer and for some reason, I expected more because of the brand name. I did not finish looking, my anxiety went up, and I left. I felt uncomfortable and also changed my mind about visiting the other stores. I just went home.

The only thing that was different about me compared to the other customers and the employees is that I am a minority person with darker skin.

I thought maybe it was because of what I was wearing. I had on Adidas track pants, a black T-shirt, with tennis shoes. I also had my hair in a ponytail with my Native Veterans hat on. I was carrying a floral bag.

At that moment it made me feel self-conscious and have doubts about myself. I noticed that as I walked out, other customers were wearing shorts or yoga pants with t-shirts and flip-flops. No, it was not about how I was dressed.

I have been in stores and have been followed by store security and workers. I have been questioned about whether I purchased something even though I handed the receipt to them. I have been ignored when asking to try on things or been told the fitting room was closed even though people just went in before me. I have asked for assistance to see if they had an item, the worker left to supposedly check and never came back. These occurrences have not just happened in retail stores.

I went to a local tag agency to get my driver’s license renewed and a fellow veteran told me to take my DD214, the discharge paperwork from active duty, and they would put the veteran logo on my license. I showed the documentation and the girl at the counter argued with me, saying that the form had to be fake, and then said it was for combat veterans only. A veteran who was getting his sticker renewed for his car stepped up, asked for the manager, and told me that was not true.

She made such a fuss about it and embarrassed me in front of everyone there. The manager had already witnessed it, came to the counter, and then took over the transaction. She sent the girl to the back of the office to speak with a supervisor. The manager apologized for the worker’s behavior but by then I just wanted to leave because my anxiety went way up.

Then there is the restaurant where we used to eat breakfast. They offer a 10% military discount for veterans, guard/reserve, or active duty members. The regular waitresses always recognized me and would automatically add the discount.

There was a new waitress who was younger than the rest and she argued that my military ID had to be fake because she had never heard of a retired military ID before. The retired ID looks slightly different than the active or reserve ID. She took it, showed it to every worker, and then the manager to “inspect” it. One of the regular waitresses took it from her and handed it back to me. She apologized for the waitress’s behavior too.

Then three other veterans, all older white males, came in after us and sat at the counter. The younger waitress saw their veterans’ hats, smiled, and became instantly friendly. She told them about the discount, then offered them free coffee, never once asking for their ID. I too was also wearing a veteran’s hat.

These are just some of the assumptions made about me based on my appearance without ever addressing me as a customer or even as a person. No one took the effort to just talk to me.

It is part of the anxiety I have about being in public spaces or at events. Sometimes I just don’t go anymore.

I write this knowing that it is not an everyday occurrence. I have certain stores that I frequent and the employees, managers, and even customers are very friendly. Sometimes they even thank me for my service when they see my hat or my ID for a discount.

It is those moments when the other person’s demeanor or actions made me feel invisible that have had the biggest impact.

I hope that one day, we see one another as just people. That our outward appearance is no longer more important than who we are inside. That is what counts the most, our character and moral compass.

Thank you for stopping by and supporting this blog.

Have a wonderful week!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne