When was the first time you really felt like a grown up (if ever)?
10/18/24
11:31 am
This is a good topic and one I had to reflect upon.
Yesterday, 10/17/24, I had a random moment in the grocery store check out line when I realized that it would have been my 27th wedding anniversary, if that had continued. It did not, ended in 2015, and my ex husband passed in 2016. There I was leaning on my son’s shoulder trying not to cry, and making the people around us uncomfortable, because it just hit me out of the blue. I was fine by the time we got to the car.
July 5th, 2023, when my mother sent her last text to me, telling me what a terrible person I was. Then banishing me and my kids from her and her family’s life, forever. That incident just reconfirmed to me how she felt towards me from the time I was born.
All those traumatic experiences and moments, one would think those would have made me feel grown up but it didn’t.
The moment I felt grown up was at my Aunt’s funeral this past June.
After purposeful miscommunication on my mother’s part and trying to prevent me from attending the services. Then telling my relatives that I had moved away and the relatives realizing that it had been intentional was when I started feeling like a grown up.
I finally felt seen and heard.
I showed up for them. I did not make a fuss, I made no accusations, or even bad mouthed her or her family while I was at the services for my aunt. I was polite, talked quietly with others there, and kept the conversations on my aunt’s family. I was there to be helpful and console those that needed it. I was there for the woman and family that helped raise me.
I was the person that I had always been and my relatives saw it.
In my mind, I finally began saying “No” to the toxicity from my former family. I would no longer engage in the harmful behavior that traumatized my life. I had finally set myself free from them.
This also came into play the following month, July, when my last remaining Aunt, my mother’s sister, came home for a short visit after being gone for more than a decade.
We sat there and visited, talking about life. It was nice to finally get to talk to her. I missed her and I was able to reconnect with my other cousins. It was a nice visit.
At that point, per one of my cousins, most of our relatives had heard about what happened at my other aunts funeral.
I just said it was what it was and changed the subject. I asked about their families and what they were up to. I was not going to engage in any discussion or blame that was being tossed around.
When I finally stopped listening to my mother’s voice saying how much she hated me, is when I finally felt “grown up”.
I was no longer willing to accept the trauma she inflicted on me my whole life. I finally said “No” to those internal thoughts and stood my ground.
It has been more than 3 months since all of that commotion. The heaviness that I always felt is still there but has considerably lessened. I still have insomnia and anxiety filled moments but it’s no longer a majority about my mother.
Sometimes in order to move forward you have to stop and take stock of your life. Remove the negativity, and see the positive instead. To learn how to say “No” to the things that do not promote your own wellbeing, harmony, and growth.
That is the grown up thing to do.
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Have a wonderful week!
Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!
Suzanne
love to bake 