11/24/24
11:25 pm
This was a good prompt for the thoughts currently roaming through my mind.
November is almost over and that means in a few short weeks it will be another new year. At this time of year most reflect on what has or has not been accomplished. Thoughts turn to new goals or aspirations for the upcoming year.
When I was working, I used to make lists of things to do or goals at the end of every year, I have not made such a list in many years. This is in part due to the life changes post-divorce and my military retirement prior to the divorce. I had accomplished everything that I wanted up to that point.
I did not have a plan B and then life happened.
After an unsuccessful recovery from surgery, the loss of my job, and then eventually being placed on disability, letting go of the notion about continuing onto a new career was halted. It was the hardest thing I had to learn, how to let go. After being productive and on a schedule for over 30 years.
I had always wanted to retire between 55 to 60 years old but I thought there would be more options because I still felt useful and was willing to gain new skills.
When I lost my job, I was working both a full-time and a part-time but these were also the possible root cause for the injury. I was trying to build an additional nest egg to add to my retirement as quickly as possible along with a future home purchase. All those ideas were pushed aside to focus on my physical recovery and staying mentally balanced throughout the process.
The Universe listened to my daily complaints about working to the point of exhaustion and not knowing what path to take as well as the dissatisfaction about the different companies I worked at.
The Universe decided that it was time for me to stop and learn patience along with being mindful of my daily life. I had already begun the work of becoming more mindful through therapy groups and a meditation group. The recovery from injury and the surgery was the first lesson in becoming patient.
It has been a hard path and I am heading into the 5th year of not working full-time or even part-time. When it came to the decision about filing for the social security disability, I was at an impasse, I felt like I had given up on myself. I felt ashamed. I did not want to become a burden to my family.
I knew the connotations of what “being on disability” meant for some people. Then some fellow veterans reminded me that I did my duty and I had played by the rules. I was reminded that I had already put into this system and it is there for a reason.
It was a hard to transition from working all the time to waking up every morning with no schedule. The only thing on my calendar now is doctor’s and therapy appointments plus my son’s work schedule.
The full impact of this decision did not occur until I was disenrolled enrolled from the disability resource programs to help me gain new skills and find at least part time work while we waited for the decision. Then my course and path was changed again.
It has taken the last six months after the decision was made as well as all the medical reviews, court hearings, paper work, medical appointments, and examinations during that process to accept that my previous life no longer exists.
I was always a hard charging go-getter and overachiever with high expectations and an even higher work ethic. It has been hard to let those notions go and pivot towards something else.
I turned to the creative side that had been dormant for many years. I am rediscovering my artistic skills. I am finding new ways to express my thoughts and ideas through creating things. Yet, despite having the time, I still struggle with my hands and arms not cooperating plus the daily aches and pain.
Apparently, the Universe decided that I also needed to learn how to relax and not take things so seriously. I struggle with this on a daily basis.
It is slowly getting easier but the frustration is there sometimes. The only advice I ever give to others going through the same thing is to always have a plan especially when it comes time to stop working whether we want to or not.
Having to give up work and the identity that was tied to it, after building it up for many years, was hard. I sometimes forget the things that I have achieved and am constantly reminded by my family as well as my person.
They remind me that I did the job I set out to do, accomplished the goals that I set for myself, and now, I need to rest and enjoy my life.
Isn’t that what we all want and the reason for working so hard in the first place?
Thank you so much for stopping by.
Have a wonderful week!
Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!
Suzanne
love to bake 