Is it love? In love? or Is love blind?

1/6/2025

12:54 PM

It is a bitterly cold day here in the heartland of the United States.

We woke up to temperatures with the wind chill in the single digits.

It was a tough drive to take my son to work. My car’s heater did not work, but we managed.

Afterward, I came home and drank some coffee to try to warm up, but I ended up taking a nap because I was so cold.

I have been on social media for not that long compared to others I know. I first came online in 2017, left for a little while, and came back in 2018. At that time, I was attempting online dating, which turned out to be less than desirable.

Instead, I turned to just meeting new people and trying to make some new friends. That all ended in 2020 when the pandemic hit, and when everyone I was talking to slowly disappeared.

****1/16/2025, 6:09 pm, continuation

I follow quite a few social media accounts, and one in particular has always sparked my curiosity and interest.

This person has a business that is solely about living a “mindful and graceful” lifestyle. There are numerous accounts and businesses like this one. They all seem to proclaim the same ideology.

Yet, despite this rhetoric, this particular account started posting rather negative viewpoints about relationships over the past few months. If someone were to look at these posts, overall it appears that the relationship the account owner is in has either become strained or is ending.

Posting things that insinuate that the other person is toxic, narcissistic, or a bad parent is rather toxic in itself and not very graceful in my opinion. It borders on bad-mouthing to elicit a response from the person it is about or to gain sympathy from others. This never works in gaining favor with others and puts up even more obstacles to overcome.

As a woman who has been through “breakups” many times before, I understand the hurt feelings, confusion, and heartache. It is normal. It is mainly confusing because of our viewpoint of where we thought we stood in the relationship, especially if the other person is ending it.

The issue I see is how we view love in a relationship and how those views cloud things or it would be crystal clear. There is very rarely an in-between state for a couple because this is where things tend to go off the path.

Everything that I have read on the subject of relationships and love says the same thing, love is defined in three stages; In love, love, and love is blind.

“In love” stage – This is normally that intense or passionate phase at the beginning of the relationship. This is normally due to the infatuation, attraction, or excitement of the newness of it all. This stage or phase does not last long but for some couples, it does but loses the intensity over time. This is due to the couples becoming more familiar with one another. You get used to the habits of your significant other. These behaviors may be seen as endearing, annoying, or manageable.

“Love” stage – This is where the “in love” stage begins to mature and the feeling for the other person grows deeper over time. For it to be truly “Love” there should be care, commitment, honesty, trust, truth, and understanding when moving past the infatuation stage.

In this stage, you get used to the habits or idiosyncrasies of the other person because overall they are not significant in the grand scheme of the relationship. This is when even little things matter because you give time and effort to please the other person in small ways.

I always believed the little things when added up always overshadow any “big things” in the relationship. This is also the commitment stage of the relationship. The individuals either make plans to stay permanently or realize they are no longer compatible and end it.

There is a difference between feeling love and being in love. If you feel love then you keep moving with it and put in the work to maintain it.

“Love is blind” stage – When a person believes they are “deeply in love” with another person they will overlook flaws or negative qualities due to the feeling they have for the person. Logic rarely plays into this stage.

If this is how the relationship is working it is usually temporary and not long lasting. This is especially true if it is solely based on getting “needs”, “wants”, or “desires” met.

The daily lives we lead and issues that may occur will interfere with these kinds of relationships. These issues can sometimes derail them altogether if there is not a strong foundation of “love”.

**** 1/21/2025, 10:10 am, continuation, and final draft.

Well, the past couple of weeks have been quite busy around here. I finally stopped to take a moment and finish this writing.

In the previous paragraphs I wrote the definitions of “Love”, “In Love”, and “Love is Blind” stages of a relationship. I also wrote about a social media account that I follow that seems to be having relationship issues.

I checked again today and there were still more negative posts and continues to appear to be one-sided. The partner who seems to be the target of the posts has not responded with any negativity and continues to stay somewhat neutral. By all accounts, to an outsider’s view, the relationship appears amicable and happy. This being social media the truth may be purposely hidden.

I once asked the partner, who appears to be the target of the negativity, a question about a social media post. I was told that “they only let the public see what they want them to see and there are always shadows with the light.” That was a very telling response.

This goes into the thoughts I had about what is a true relationship anymore. Is it one based on mutual respect, loyalty, trustworthiness, and love? In the age of social media is it only about outward appearances and trying to appear happy?

Personally, as someone who has had many relationships from the age of 18 to my last in-person relationship at 46 years old, I would prefer honesty and open communication. We are not perfect and I do not know of any relationship that is. The difference between a long-lasting relationship and one that ends is how honest we are with one another and how we handle criticism.

When I talk about criticism there is a difference between loving guidance and harsh behavior. I unfortunately have only been on the end of harsh behaviors in most of the relationships I had. I only recently, within the last almost 3 years, started experiencing loving guidance.

I am referencing my relationship for the rest of this writing.

Do we have misunderstandings and miscommunication? Yes, almost weekly. This is due to the nature of it only being online. We consistently talk things through and work things out. This has been the biggest change in attitude towards relationships. Instead of relying solely on facial reactions, body language, and gestures, I have to listen to the words being spoken and understand what is written. This is coupled with practicing patience due to the distance, time difference, and cultural or social beliefs. It has been quite a learning experience.

We keep moving on and doing the best we can. It has been 8 years since we first met online and have only been in constant contact with one another for 2 ½ years now. Is it ideal? No, definitely not, but at this point in my life I am more willing to go slow and not rush into things. We both have lives to live and responsibilities to manage along with our desires, needs and wants. Just as long as we keep communicating with one another, I think we will be fine.

I can honestly say that I do love him and I envision a life with him. We have talked about this before and he has said the same thing. Only time will tell because as we all know, nothing is guaranteed in life.

Thank you for stopping by.

Have a wonderful week!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne