Year of the Snake – Self-love and Self-care.

January 28, 2025

12:46 pm

I saw this post today on my feed and did not realize it was the year of the snake. This post resonated with thoughts about myself that I have been having lately.

It all surrounds the relationship that I am currently in and relationships I have had with people in general.

It brought a question to mind, “When do you stop being polite and push back”?

In this context, I am not talking about a physical altercation but instead about remembering your own needs when dealing with others.

I have always believed that I am a good person at heart. I try not to interfere with others unless they solicit my advice or counsel. The only caveat is if I see they are in trouble then I will step in to help. It is just my personality to not only put myself in someone else’s shoes to understand them but to also try and find the “right” in every wrong.

This personality trait was created by the years of trauma that I endured. I gained an understanding of how it affects you over time. If I can help someone avoid that pain then it was well worth stepping in. Even when there was backlash for trying to “help”.

Yet, in the years since, I have forgotten my own self-care and self-love. I forgot to put my needs, desires and wants in that mix too.

The result, becoming an anxiety-filled overthinker. Compounding it with PTSD, trauma, and major depressive disorder has been the fuel to keep it going for years.

When I say that I forgot my self-care and self-love, I am not talking about being vocal about my thoughts, feelings, emotions, or opinions because that is a part of my personality and I already do that. I am talking about putting down the shield and sword and walking away when necessary. Forgetting that not every battle is going to be won, there always has to be a loser, and sometimes it is not worth fighting to begin with.

It is better to walk away from a no-win situation than trying to maneuver through it. The reason we stay and fight is because of ego, pride, arrogance, and sometimes self-righteousness.

When we engage in those behaviors we are ultimately going to hurt ourselves by chipping away at our self-confidence and self-esteem. I know this because that is what happened when I had my last hospitalization in 2017.

I let my pride, stubbornness, and unwillingness to face the issues get in the way of any happiness that I could have had. This unwillingness to change threw me into darkness for years.

It took over ten years of therapy to realize that.

Now, today, I was faced with the same situation and pushed back. I put my needs first this time, put my foot down, and stated my position. I brought out all those hidden things that have been going on to the person that would be affected by them. I brought the truth forward, all of it. The effects of doing this remain to be seen. The person had the right to know so they could be free from the negative effects too.

I do know that a slight weight has been lifted off of my shoulders and mind. Whether the person believes me or not is not up to me and I will not push it. They have to make up their own mind.

As for the secondary person involved, they have not responded yet but I am still not blocked by them. Just because this occurred today due to my own actions does not mean my feelings for them have changed. I am still in love with them and I will continue to be there until they decide what they want to do.

No matter what the outcome is, I will remember my self-care, self-love, and my self-worth going forward.

I will continue with my plans, goals, and aspirations knowing that this life experience has shown me that I am worth more than what I tell myself. That I am a good person. That I deserve kindness, compassion, care, friendship, and love from others.

That the creative being that lied dormant for so long is finally waking up and I can’t wait to see where I can take this.

I am not “useless” just because I do not work a typical workday or schedule anymore. I have to remember that I put in over 37 years of my life dedicated to working and serving my country. I did what I needed to do and it was good enough.

I am proud of my family, I am proud of my accomplishments, and I still have the opportunity to keep learning, which will never stop.

**9:33 pm – Continuation

It is after 9 pm now. I still have not heard back from either person. I am still not blocked by either one. I noticed neither have been online since then, no new posts or updates.

I sent a text message to the person that I am involved with but I am not sure when they will see it. I was reminded by my son to give it time.

That has been the biggest factor in all of this, time and being patient. This is not my strong suit. I have always been a “go-getter” that charges forward without fear.

In my lifetime it has sometimes come across as endearing but most of the time it has been viewed as arrogant, headstrong, and off-putting to some. I have been called a “bully” before for being too confident and headstrong.

Yet, in all of those incidents, I would always feel hurt and it would chip away at my self-esteem. I assumed that I was not a likable person, not smart enough, not worthwhile and that I did not matter. I would forget to remember my self-worth.

In life, we learn with each failure that this is how it is supposed to work; to objectively look at the failure, break it down step by step, and learn how to avoid those mistakes or fix them. Then we are to try again until we succeed. The problem is in not taking care of ourselves in that process.

It is a good idea in theory but in reality, we do not like to lose, it is human nature. Some people will give up too easily, others will make a half-hearted attempt again, and the rest will keep trying. Those who keep trying sometimes win in the end but not always.

That is when the self-care and self-love come in. If a person has a solid foundation in humility and being valued then we accept failures as just being a part of life but we know we can try again.

In my case, humility and value were not what I learned growing up under my mother, the most important figure as a young girl. I did not learn the difference between humility and humiliation. I have memories where the humiliation was intentional and then laughed off as a joke or teasing. Even now as an adult, it is still uncomfortable to be complimented or praised, that feeling of trying to be humble is muddled in my thoughts and I come across as awkward.

I was not valued for my abilities, especially when successful. Instead, I was criticized for it, compared to others or it was deemed unimportant. These jabs at my self-confidence and self-esteem turned into the aggressive and relentless attitude that I had, especially while in the military.

It was not until I became a mother that I understood the importance of feeling valued as well as learning not only humility but compassion for others. I hopefully imparted this well onto my children. They are all kind, compassionate, and successful as young adults.

That was a long winding path to get back to the topic of the post I saw online.

It talks about shedding anything that no longer supports your well-being. That is the self-love and self-care that I spoke about early in this writing. If the actions and words of those that I surround myself with going forward are not aligned with my purpose then there is no reason to keep it as a part of my life. I understand we will have differing opinions, ideas, and goals but it must be something that we work together. We support each other and allow ourselves to grow together.

The post mentions moving with purpose and not pressure. This is something that I put on myself all the time, the pressure to succeed but now that I am retired, I need to remember to remove some of that pressure and take it one day at a time. There is no schedule, deadline, or end to meet. I am making this up as I go along now. I am of my own volition to accomplish things.

The last part of the post mentions transforming quietly yet powerfully by acting with intention and responding with precision. To let personal growth speak louder than getting revenge.

I thought this was the most powerful part of the message.

It goes back to that adage of keeping your circle small, keeping your next moves to yourself, and succeeding in silence. This is how I have lived my whole life as an adult.

I accomplished and pushed towards things that I wanted to achieve for myself. I do not have a large circle of friends it is just my kids and me. The only outside person included has been the online relationship. Well, if he still wants to stick around but that is a different topic altogether. He is still included in my plans and goals.

The only time I have solicited an outside voice is if there are questions about something specific and I seek out an expert in that topic. It is always prudent to go with an established way of doing things instead of reinventing the wheel. This eliminates any downtime as well as errors in the process.

This year is to be my transformation year.

This year I started pursuing those ideas, notions, hopes, dreams, and aspirations.

The year to find new things that will inspire me.

The year I listen to my creative soul.

Everything else going on in my life will eventually settle down where it needs to be, which I am confident about. I will accept anything that needs to change or possibly go.

I will keep moving forward, staying positive, staying motivated, and dreaming those dreams.

Thank you for stopping by and visiting my blog.

Have a great week!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne