What is one word that describes you?
3/19/25
11:05 pm
The one word that could be found on every report card, performance evaluation, training reports, and even my therapy notes.
Conscientious – “…wishing to do what is right, especially to do one’s work or duty well and thoroughly…relating to a person’s conscience.”
I used to hate seeing that description of me when I was younger, it sounded so boring. I did not grasp a full appreciation of it until much later in life.
After taking psychology courses as a part of my degree program, I realized that me being conscientious was one of the reasons behind the successes that I had. That desire to be proactive in everything that I did big or small. Planning and strategizing everything.
Having a “Big Picture” mentality when it came to goals and aspirations but at the same time compartmentalizing the negativity and trauma that I had endured. Pushing those notions way down deep until I was ready to face them. It took over 30 years to finally face it and the last 10 years it has been a rollercoaster of emotions that has finally leveled out somewhat. I still have my moments.
After working and living among others since I was 19 years old, when I went out into the world on my own. Life made me realize that I would much rather be boring that what I have seen and encountered in others.
I thought I was a mess until I met people with way more messier lives than me. I just grew up in a toxic and abusive environment with trauma affecting my sense of self but at least I was never in jail, addicted to substances, became abusive to others, or just gave up.
I would not have survived if that was the path that I had taken.
I would not have had my wonderful children who I am so proud of nor would I have accomplished my lofty goals. The goals that I was always told would never be accomplished because of my skin color, they were wrong. That is the one thing the trauma and abuse taught me, how to survive and fight back. That sense of duty and due diligence would keep me on track no matter the obstacles that I had to overcome.
My conscience learned how to maneuver through the negative thoughts, the suicidal ideations, the sadness, and the despair. I was able to swim back up after spiraling downward. I was able to find myself again.
Nowadays, I am waking up that creative being that had been dormant for so long. Days are less messy and calmer than before. All of this can be attributed to being conscientious about what I wanted in life. To making those plans so long ago that they just became a part of my daily life.
I do not find that word so boring anymore.
Thank you so much for stopping by and visiting this blog.
Have a wonderful week!
Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!
Suzanne
love to bake 