Is chivalry dead or did civility go out the window?

September 18, 2025

7:42 am

“No rest for the wicked” as the saying goes. 

Another sleepless night culminating in a moment of crying into my pillow as all the previous “jerks” I have met in my lifetime flashed before my eyes.  It was 6:30 in the morning. 

Too damn early to be crying over nothing.  Too early for reciting words that should no longer have an impact on my psyche.

I got up and took a shower instead.  I washed away the tears and now I’m drinking coffee while watching the sunrise come up on the horizon.

What precipitated this morning’s mini mental breakdown?

First, it was the miscommunication between me and my person early this morning.  He never texted or called back like he said he would. Yet, I don’t know why I expected it to be different this time, it is always like this. Our interpretations of “Just a moment” are vastly different. I prefer a set time limit while his is very fluid. I should be used to it after being in a relationship with him for 3 years but sometimes it still irks me. I usually just get over it and keep moving but this morning it turned into an emotional rollercoaster.  

Second, it is the beginning of seasonal depression which explains the oversleeping, no sleeping at all, irritability, lack of appetite, overeating, and the weepiness.  I forgot, again.

Thankfully, I now have my “Happy Light” and a new prescription of Vitamin D on the way.  Every year it is different and it started earlier for me, a few weeks ago.  I did not realize it until my son made a comment about it. He was diagnosed with clinical depression many years ago and he also gets seasonal depression sometimes.

Lastly, I am anxious about a jury summons that was received and am waiting to talk to my provider about it later this morning.  I have never served on a jury before and the summons said it was for a week, starting at 8:30 am every day, and it could be either a criminal or a civil case. I am not sure whether I can handle it both physically and mentally. I have PTSD due to physical trauma and a physical disability that causes random tremors. I also have anxiety when around too many people. This is why I am considered unemployable.  We will just have to wait and see what the providers think about that.

What a household, two depressed insomniacs under one roof.  We manage though and it is good that we both understand how it makes us feel.  We talk a lot about everything and it keeps us from dwelling too much on the little things.

Now that the background is set, onto the actual topic of this writing. 

During that moment of crying into my pillow the thought “Is chivalry actually dead or are people just jerks?” came to mind.  I thought it over while I was getting dressed and making my coffee.

I looked up the definition of chivalry and it surprised me.  I realized that my whole life I have misunderstood what it actually means.  I always assumed it was only a set of behaviors expected of men toward women but that was only partly correct. 

Chivalry – “the medieval knightly system with its religious, moral, and social code.  The qualities expected…courage, honor, courtesy, justice, and a readiness to help the weak.”

It is an expected behavior of noble people towards others. The principles and ideals of a person. These are ideals in a traditional sense as they pertain to expected standards of a moral society.  What about today?

We live in the modern world, not the Middle Ages, where there seems to be a lack of civility or moral code.  I dare say also that there seems to be a lack of common sense to go along with it but maybe that is just my perspective.

Technology bridged a gap of knowledge between all of us. The world view we previously had with all the misnomers, stereotypes, biases, and lack of knowledge was expanded beyond our mental grasp.  Now, we have this viewpoint beyond our little communities that we grew up in. As well as within our own four walls. It seems that it has overwhelmed many and amped up those insecurities and fears for some.

The basics of civility, politeness and courtesy, no longer seem to exist. That is incorrect because of the way media portrays the every day life.  

Media supports the corporations and capitalism that exist to feed on those needs, wants, desires, and fears.  We live and work in these systems because we have to.  Unless you completely go off the grid, grow your own food, make your own clothing, and rely solely on nature around you, then you are in the system.

Despite this flaw in the way we live, and it is flawed, we as individuals control our own behavior.  We can be jerks if we want to but this behavior puts so much strain on us, mentally, emotionally, and sometimes physically. The easier solution is to ask the simple question, “Is it worth it?”, before acting or reacting to a situation.

This is what I learned from my grandparents, aunts, and uncles. Take a count of five or ten if the situation is heated. This simple count gives your brain a moment to analyze everything going on before reacting. 

We have been pushed from the time we were young to always be “Go, go” and “Hurry up”.  Yet, we never grew out of it as we got older and just kept that same narrative going with our own children.  Maybe it is time to slow things down again.

Maybe it is time to bring back the basics of good demeanor in everyday life to the next generations.  Common courtesy,  civility, learning to say, “Thank you”, “Yes”, “No”, “Please”, and a myriad of other ways to demonstrate politeness.  At the same time we can also teach them to stand up for themselves, be vocal, and unafraid. Teach them that it is okay if they do not believe in the same things that we do or in the environment around them.  

These are things that I instilled in my own children.  They know that having a difference of opinion, thought, and belief is a good way to be. Otherwise, how else will we progress as people?

It is also time to teach the next generation that being the loudest does not always make you right or help you obtain the outcome you are seeking.  The quote by Theodore Roosevelt, “Speak softly and carry a big stick”, has an impact but could be viewed as aggressive. There is always a middle ground.

“The word is the most powerful tool you have as a human… Your word can create the most beautiful dream, or your word can destroy everything around you”. – Don Miguel Ruiz. Obtaining knowledge does give you some power especially if the words you speak motivate others to action. 

At the end of the day that is all we have, a day.  A moment in time for the opportunity to change and be who we want to be. The only problem is we do not know how many of those days we get to have. That is the Universe’s secret.

All we can do is make the most of every day because there are no guarantees.

Thank you for stopping by and supporting this blog.

Have a wonderful week!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne