Beads, barbecue, and banana pudding – An unexpected life

12/2/2025

8:32 am

The last couple of months have been a hit and a miss when it comes to my health. At the end of September, I got an ear and sinus infection that required a round of antibiotics. Thankfully, I have medical care through the VA Health care system as a retired veteran. I was able to get the prescription and took all of it over a course of 10 days.

I was feeling much better and went on to my dental appointment for a dental evaluation after years of not having regular dental care. I knew there would be a lot of work to be done. I have several future appointments scheduled to get the care that I need and that is way overdue.

After the first deep cleaning, I was put on a soft food diet for about 5 days and on day three I caught a respiratory virus that had been going around according to my VA doctor. I assume it was because my immune system was low. My son had come home from work sick the previous week and said there were others sick at his work as well. I was sick for almost three weeks.

I then ended up with a bladder infection which required another round of antibiotics. This also caused a yeast infection, and I was given medication for that. Another two weeks of medication and then my provider got lab results back that required a change to the type of antibiotics. At that point I was halfway through, had to finish them, and then started another round of antibiotics for 10 more days right after.

I just finally finished all the medications last week. I have been on medication for over two months. I have always been a big opponent to prescription medications but also know that sometimes it is necessary to prevent further issues.

It was during one of the evenings when my son had to work a later shift and I was grabbing some dinner that the idea for this writing occurred.

He was working a longer shift due to the upcoming holidays and so I was alone most of that day. I had gone shopping at my local Michael’s and Hobby Lobby for some new beads to add to my growing collection. Then I decided to swing by a local barbecue place for my dinner. I rarely eat meat anymore but sometimes I still get a craving for it. I thought the additional protein would help build my immune system back up more.

As I was sitting at my computer, eating dinner, and binging a few episodes of a series when I realized that my life, with minor complications, has become relatively calm. I am no longer stressing about how things are going to be fixed, how I am going to pay for things, or how I am going to deal with the unexpected. It was a surreal moment.

I sat there, looking around at my craft room, and this sense of peace came over me. A sense of peace that I never thought would happen because of my past history.

It was my room, the one I had always wanted, a space to allow my creativity to flow. My own little part of the world.

Growing up poor, living in rural Oklahoma for part of it, I dreamt about having my own home where there would be a room just for me to paint and draw. Then I had to go live with my mother and her family at the age of 9. It was years of sharing a room with my half-sisters. I had tried to keep my own little space with a small desk of art supplies, but it was always taken away to accommodate my half-sisters or my mother instead.

After I grew up, later becoming a married wife and mom to four kids, I had a little space in our first house. It was a changing room that was supposed to be for the pool that we had. I took it over and filled it with a little desk and some art supplies. When things started becoming irreconcilable between me and my then husband, he took it over, making it his smoking room.

I remember that day, coming home to find everything was on the floor, he had been going through my things. He had found the book that I was stashing petty cash in for small things that my kids always seemed to need. Book fairs, pizza days, and face paintings that always seem to be last minute. The book had been emptied and I was confronted by him when he got home from work.

He got angry over the money and thought I was trying to hide it from him. I reminded him that he was always the one forgetting to keep cash on him for the things the kids needed. He tried to apologize and give me the cash back but the damage had been done.

My personal space and trust had been invaded then violated. I took everything and boxed it up, putting it in the garage. That box of art supplies was never opened again and sold in a garage sale later on.

It was not until about 8 years later that I once again attempted having any sort of space to call my own. At that time, I became a Wilton Cake Decorating Instructor running a side business. My collection of cake decorating and sugar art supplies grew as I stored it in a little corner of our dining area. We had moved several times, and our marriage was coming to an end.

After I separated, moved out, and started living on my own again, he decided to hold my supplies hostage as he fought over things such as pots and pans. He did it out of spite and was trying to control everything. I told him to just keep all of it; I could always buy them again and start over.

One day, my eldest child called me and asked to meet at my ex-husband’s house. I went over and they started loading up my supplies into the car. It was done under the radar while my ex was at work. They had found the supplies in the garage while doing laundry. It is where all of it had been moved. My ex never even noticed they were gone and always assumed that I had just bought them over again. I again had the supplies to be creative once more.

A few years later, after the divorce had been finalized, and then my ex passed away, I ended up with everything we had fought over, every last pot, pan, and drinking glass. That too was a surreal moment. The universe has a way of correcting things unexpectedly.

All of these thoughts came up as I sat there, all that I had been through in my life.

There were times when I was at my deepest, darkest part of depression. I was drowning in my own despair and pain, struggling to come back up for air.

Art, being creative, and finding beauty in the everyday is what kept me afloat. I never gave up on that part of myself. It was always there somewhere in the back of my conscience keeping me safe, hope.

As I sat there, finishing up the food and topping it off with the banana pudding the restaurant offered for dessert, I felt happy. It was a sense of peace and tranquility that made me smile.

I was finally able to let my creative voice speak out loud, whenever I wanted without fear of repercussions, backlash, belittling, or being dismissed.

I no longer was being held back or told my art was “stupid”, “nonsense”, or a “waste of time”. I always found that behavior sad and rather ironic. Finding out later, that those that said it to me, would take the art I created for them, and would either sell it or tell people they created it.

I have finally reached a point in my life where I control the narrative, and I am no longer just a side character in someone else’s story.

I have my creative space again in this unexpected life.

Thank you so much for supporting this blog.

Have a wonderful week.

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne