2:07 pm
2/21/2026
It has been a while since my last post, busy with life and still getting over seasonal colds plus allergies. Today’s another day of sniffles and a runny nose. It is making me tired.
I wanted to do a quick writing exercise and saw this prompt.
Ironically enough, these are thoughts I have been having about myself lately. The winter blues is strong this season.
I personally have never wanted to be anyone else but me. As a kid growing up into young adulthood, I never wanted to be a famous or a well known person but I always wished that I could emulate the confidence they portrayed.
That is what I believe that I am lacking, confidence and feeling secure about who I am as not only a person but as a woman.
I know that if you were to look at my life up this point it seems like that I am an accomplished person with a wall full of accolades, awards, degrees, and military medals. As a 20 year military veteran it takes more than just doing a job to accomplish these things. It takes discipline, willingness to grow, adaptability, and sometimes, sheer willpower.
Yet, despite knowing all of this, I am still deep down inside an insecure person. It is my biggest flaw.
This flaw has also been the source of contention with others throughout my life.
I know a big part of this insecurity centers around trust. Trust in others that was stunted as a kid through my teenage years by abuse at the hands of others. Then as a young grown adult having that trust further muddled by those that said that they loved and cared about me but then were emotionally abusive, verbally abusive, unfaithful, or were users who left me.
I learned to accept being alone in life even if it was not what I wanted.
The lack of confidence in myself as it pertains to relationships whether platonic or romantic becomes overblown by my own thoughts. It is hard to step back and see things clearly. It has caused many arguments, disagreements, and hurt feelings.
It is very prevalent in my online relationship where everything is playing out in phone calls, text messages, and not in person. It doubles the doubt and puts a strain on everything. l rely heavily on instinct and not just words.
This unconfident woman just wants to be seen clearly and honestly. To be accepted in spite of any flaws. To have people see past the shallow surface of the outer demeanor and find the real person underneath. To have their words match their actions. Trust builds confidence.
If I could just for one day, exude the confidence that people take notice of then maybe it would change my direction, build up my strengths, and show what I truly offer.
Then again, maybe not, it is a coin toss out to the universe.
We do not know where I life leads all we can do is the best we can and follow it. Trust our instincts and gut feelings. Live by some moral code and try to be honest.
Thank you for taking the time to stop by.
Have a wonderful week!
Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!
Suzanne
love to bake 