Patience is a Virtue

4/26/2021

Patience is a Virtue – The ability to wait for something without frustration is a useful skill and a good aspect of one’s personality.

Well, that is not a strong quality of mine and has caused some problems in my life.

Constantly being reminded by well-meaning family and friends of this fact.

I turned 50 years old last week and it was brought up again.

My question to those that see it as an issue, is why?

I know that there are things in life that requires being steadfast and having full focus over a long period of time to meet an end goal. That kind of resolve, I do have. If it is a well worthwhile endeavor, then I know how to manage those.

It is the unexpected things that occur, no matter how prepared one can be, that requires extra effort on my part in which I sometimes fail.

Looking back at my lifetime, my inability to keep that virtue of patience intact is in great part due to my major depressive disorder and anxiety, which I was only diagnosed with at 44 years old.

I was always quick to react to things and not always in a positive way. This knee jerk reaction to things that occurred was also in response to the people that I had surrounded myself with at that time.

Now knowing that there are toxic people out there, more than willing to drag you down with them, and how to deal with them better.

Growing up, I never learned how to develop better coping skills as it related to my emotions through my parents. I managed with what knowledge was imparted on me through my grandparents.

My grandma from my non-biological father always had me clean when I was angry as a kid. This habit stuck with me throughout my young adult life and even today.

My biological grandparents always had me stay busy outside cutting grass, weeding the flowers, or just taking a walk. Sometimes they had me doing crafting such as beadwork, sewing, or crochet. Anything to keep me busy and I still do those things today.

It was learning the difference between when focus was needed and when you sometimes had to make a quick decision or react quickly.

The current shoulder injury and the limitations I have, are now teaching me how to refocus what my body wants to do. Instead of physical activity like lifting weights or doing pushups and doing more mind focused subjects.

Using my brain to develop ideas and knowledge by learning new things, studying what I know, or finding new interests. It has been a struggle. I am still foggy on some days and I get tired easily.

I learned from a fellow Instagrammer, who has had numerous surgeries in her lifetime, that it takes time and the fogginess will eventually fade. It is normal. She also told me to take those moments to rest when my body is tired. I never napped this much in my previous 49 years. I am trying to listen to what my body and mind needs.

Yet, despite knowing that it is a normal thing when you are dealing with an injury and recovery, I am still this go-getter personality, headstrong and determined. I do not like to be still and do not like feeling that I am not contributing to things in some way.

That has been the hard part, not working and feeling useless.

I have written before about my struggles with uncooperative and differing personalities within the workplace. Doing the work and having a sense of purpose was what kept me going all those years.

I knew in the back of my mind that I did not have to be friends with anyone that I worked with, but I was there to do a job, even if it was not that great of a job, it was still my job to do.

I applied, interviewed, negotiated my pay and prepared for those positions. I earned them by my own accord, and no one could tell me any different. It was my success or failure and no one else’s.

I would fail because I let things get to me and let the foolishness of others affect my own well-being.

The depression was at its lowest depths the last 8 years coupled with the anxiety. It did not start leveling out again until about 3 years ago.

I was finally able to come to terms with everything through counseling and learning how to cope better.

To answer the question, I posed earlier as to why my family and friends see impatience as an issue.

It is because they have never walked in my shoes.

They have never witnessed what I have seen with my own eyes, carried the same burdens, experienced the abuse I endured, and known the thoughts that keep me awake at night.

I lived through some of the most heartbreaking moments, felt the sting of rejection repeatedly, and have fallen into the deepest depths of despair. Yet, somehow still came out okay in the end.

I have already learned how to dig deep and pull out every last bit of strength that I can muster to push through.

If I am impatient because I want a new life to begin right now, it is because I have been walking this same path for 50 years. I think I have been patient long enough.

I have worked too hard and too long to give up now.

So, I will keep pushing back, keep moving forward, and continue to stay in the light.

It is hope, faith, and belief that has kept me going.

Thank you so much for stopping by.

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes to you, always.

Take care and be safe out there.

Have a great week!

Suzanne