Past actions and regrets

What do you complain about the most?

February 1, 2023

1:28 pm

Looking at today’s prompt, I sat back and thought about what do I complain about the most?

My life is stable right now, more than it has been the last 5 years. I do not have much to complain about except money and not having quite enough to manage everything but most of us have those issues. It is rather common.

Time? We all need more time to accomplish things during the day yet, we are actually in control of how we spend that so I cannot complain about how I spend mine.

I thought back through recent conversations with my twenty-one year old son and what we talked about. I realized that most of the time I complain about past actions and regrets.

I complain about the things and people that I have dealt with when I was working. The sense of injustice that I still feel sometimes about those interactions.

I will take a pause and reevaluate why I felt that way, even after all these years? It should not matter because it is in the past, you cannot go back and change any of it.

It is actually the feeling of being wronged and never getting an apology that I still carry with me?

I know that the people that I dealt with directly will never admit to any wrongdoing that was just how they were as individuals.

The incidents were all dealt with by the companies and organizations we worked for when most lost their positions, responsibilities, or duties while I was allowed to resign. A few of these individuals in positions of power were terminated and never allowed to work for those organizations again. In a way, justice was carried out.

Then why do I still feel so strongly about this? The righting of wrongs was completed and I was the one that brought these issues to light whether it was an abuse of power or mishandling of resources or funds. I did my due diligence, did the right thing no matter the consequences.

Yet, I still have regrets. Is it truly the longing to be told “I’m sorry” or is it actually a sense that no matter what happened, did anything really change, did I actually make a difference?

I will never truly know and I think that is what really bothers me because once I cut ties with those people and organizations, I never looked back or followed up. I walked away with my conscience clear that I did the right thing.

We, as individuals, have the ability to stand up to anything we see as wrong. We just have to be brave in taking those first steps which is really hard to do.

In doing so we put ourselves in a light that can either be good or bad depending on who is watching. Then we have to not only follow through with our actions we also have to be sure that is the right thing to do based on the evidence at hand.

In all the years I have worked, I never take an action unless I am sure and I have the documentation to prove it. That integrity is what I was always known for and people did not doubt what I said. They knew that I would not make a move unless I was sure and could back it up.

I believe the biggest part of the regret is that some of the people I went head to head with, I actually admired at the beginning. I saw them as these forward thinking, progressive, and generous people that I was willing to follow but in actuality it was all an act and they were only in it for themselves. I had been bamboozled by them just like everyone else. The trust and belief I had for them had been broken.

It has taken a lot of therapy the past 5 years to realize that holding onto the past just keeps you in this perpetual state of anxiety. It has been a struggle to stop reliving it. It has gotten easier but then it occasionally comes up, not as often as before, but it is still there.

One day, I will wake up and not think about these things, then I will have to find something else to complain about or I can also choose to accept things as they are and just keep moving.

Thank you for stopping by.

Have a fabulous weekend!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne