Still not sleeping.
March 15, 2023
3:55 am
It is an early Wednesday morning.
I still have not gone to sleep. I am wide awake and only slightly tired. I have to be up by 6 am to take my son to work. It doesn’t look like I am getting any sleep today.
I am not even sure why I cannot fall asleep.
As I sit here in the dark, typing on my laptop, and listening to drone of the fans, my thoughts turn to why am I not sleeping today?
I go through the usual checklist of things that cause anxiety:
- Finances and Bills? No, everything is either caught up or on a payment plan. We have money for food and gas. That’s not it.
- The kids? No, they are all still doing their thing. Working, going to school, and spending time doing the things they like to do. That’s not it.
- The relationship? No, everything is still moving along and going well. We are still madly in love and infatuated with one another. We have had a few moments where there was miscommunication, but we’ve worked it out. We talk almost every day, and it has been this way since the beginning. That’s not it.
- Is it the new school I started in February? No, I just completed the first course and started the Financial accounting portion this past Monday. I am enjoying having a set schedule of things to do. I am enjoying learning something new.
- Is it my ongoing health issues? Maybe. I am now having almost daily pain in my knee and hip. It has woken me up from sleep. I know they previously told me that I have osteoarthritis in my foot due to an old fracture from basic military training. I also apparently have bone spurs in my knee. The hip pain could be because I have been sleeping on my left side only for 3 years now. I try laying on my back, but it bothers my shoulder, sometimes. I have not brought this up with my primary provider yet. Mainly because I am worried about the outcome. I do not want another surgery to be performed. I already have a messed-up hand, arm, and shoulder. I do not need a messed-up leg too. I just keep taking the 800 mg ibuprofen they prescribed, I just got a new refill. It helps somewhat with the pain but there is still a dull constant ache in both the arm and leg.
I know that I have a lot of random thoughts but the daily routine I established 2 months ago of meditation, stretching, prayers, and affirmations have quieted them down a lot over the last couple of months. Even as I sit here now, there is no distraction or mind wandering.
I am just awake and not tired yet. The one thing that I have tried to work on, fixing my sleep schedule. I still don’t have a set time to go to sleep but I was doing so well the past couple of weeks.
I was able to just lay down and be asleep within a few minutes then I was out like a light. Today, my mind and body decided that I should just be awake.
I tried doing some deep breathing, but it did not make me sleepy, and I was already relaxed.
Maybe that is the issue, I am relaxed and not worried about anything. I do not have any major issues for the first time in quite a while. My mind has been on high alert for too long and does not know how to react.
I will finish up this writing and try to go to sleep again.
Have a wonderful week!
Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always.
Suzanne
love to bake 