Authentic, Weak Minded, or Narcissism?

Authentic, Weak Minded, or Narcissism?

4/22/2024

8:58 pm

After waking up from another restless night this afternoon, I had my usual coffee and did my usual scrolling through social media.

I did a round of reposting the beautiful or interesting posts of those that I follow. I even made a quick reel for Earth Day. 

I had been meaning to create a short video of the landscape pics I have taken throughout the years.  Sunrises, sunsets, clouds, and nature are always my norm.  Since it was Earth Day, I thought it was a fitting post for the day.

Then I went to the accounts of the people I find interesting.  There is one particular couple that I tend to watch their posts with curiosity.

I originally followed the gentleman through finding his account quite by accident.  A scammer had used his pictures while talking to me and when I finally figured it out, that whole episode ended but I kept following the actual person.  I have watched his life and career with interest over many years.

I observe them because of how they portray themselves outwardly. If you read between the lines of their posts, it is quite different, hence the curiosity.  I have even sent questions about things and was told by the gentleman that he only posts what he wants people to see or what he believes they want to see. He wrote back and stated “…the truth is always hidden in the shadows”.

I watch from afar and it begs the question “Why are we interested in the lives of others and has social media ruined the honesty between us?”  That is part of the underlying question and reason for this writing.

On the outside as viewed through social media, they seem like a happy and fortunate couple. Living a good life in a beautiful country.  The interviews they have given, due to his notoriety and local celebrity status there, makes their meeting seem to be by chance, which turned into this fairy tale romance.

I unfortunately made the mistake last year of asking the lady questions because of some older posts I found on her social media. These posts were contradictory to that story and I was blocked everywhere by her. She also completely deleted everything on her account from that point backwards to prior to their meeting.

The gentlemen did not completely block me though, and I still follow his social media accounts.  That made me even more curious.  As the Okie saying goes “…like a dog gnawing at a bone…”, I keep watching their lives from afar. (An Okie is someone from the state of Oklahoma in the United States)

I see the differences in their personalities and wonder how one professes to be a teacher of a “Harmonious, calm, and peaceful lifestyle” as a part of their work. Then also, at the same time, reposts these very contradictory “Husbands or boyfriends are dumb or stupid” posts that go against those ideals. They seem more like man-hating than funny.  I saw another one today right after her posts promoting the events or classes at which they are teaching.

As I was looking at the posts, the terms “Authentic, Weak minded and Narcissism” came to mind.  I did some online research and wondered if there are any overlapping traits, this is what I found.

Traits of a weak-minded person include:

Lack of resilience, Indecisiveness, Closed-mindedness, Self-doubt, Negativity, Inability to cope, Blaming others, Fear of challenging tasks, Feeling shy like a victim, Complaining too often, Not being able to overcome failure, Pleasing everyone, Running away from responsibility, and Always trying to act strong.

Traits of a narcissist include:

Lack of empathy, Sense of entitlement, Need for admiration, Boundary violations, Arrogant and haughty behaviors, Controlling behavior, Grandiose sense of self, Lack of accountability, Difficulty handling criticism, Exploiting relationships, Manipulative, Control issues, Attention-seeking, Chronic envy, Constantly putting others down, Grandiosity, Dependency or neediness, Difficulty forming relationships, Emotional neglect, Fantasies of unlimited success, Boredom, Lack of genuine relationships, Manipulation and gaslighting.

Traits of an Authentic Person:

Self-aware, Honest, Value integrity, Show consistency, Not afraid to be vulnerable or show emotions, Creative, Show empathy, Active listener, Courageous, Remain humble, Comfortable in their own skin, Express own opinions, Seek personal growth, Prioritize your values, and Not defined by external validation.

After observing both of the individuals, I can see traits from each category that may be applicable to them, yet I also know that outward appearances can be deceiving as well.  Since I do not know these individuals it could be surmised that there may be underlying issues such as trauma, upbringing, or even pressure from others when these traits tend to show in what they post. 

I am an observer of people by nature. It is, in part, a response to my own childhood trauma and the fractured trust that I had of others growing up.  I observe and gather information before I act which is something I am still working on but when I am wrong, I apologize for it.

Yet, I still try to remain true to my authentic self even when others treat me badly.  I used to walk away first because I automatically thought it could not be resolved but now I think differently. 

I made a conscientious decision to always stay in place and work on the issues. I only have a part stake in things. The other person has the other part. It takes two to tango as they say. 

If the consensus is it is no longer working and cannot be resolved, then we will part ways.  No fuss, no muss as the saying goes. All we can do is say we tried.

In this couple there are factors that will eventually come into play and from my own experience, the age difference is hard to overcome.  He is much older than her.  I see them as similar to the marriage that I had. 

When my husband was entering into his mid-forties, I was in my mid-thirties and that is when the differences in what we wanted out of life began to clash.  That is their current age.

It seems like from the gentleman’s work that he is settling down to a less strenuous lifestyle and possibly looking towards a retirement.  She on the other hand appears to be pushing her business more to achieve some sort of success.   

I say it is similar to what I experienced because that is what caused my marriage to fail.  I was gearing up to reach my career, retirement, and financial goals while my ex-husband just wanted to be comfortable and live beyond our means. 

We stopped caring for each other, stopped dating each other, stopped listening, and he became somewhat abusive, not physically, but emotionally and verbally.  It took its toll on my psyche and eventually broke me despite trying to hang onto my ideals.  It was a long recovery afterwards but I finally reached it through intensive therapy.

As I wrote earlier, I do not know the inner workings of this relationship that I follow on social media. They could be perfectly fine with one another, who knows?  I am just the curious cat living its next life.

All I do know is that if the person you are with is your person, then that is how you should treat them. 

Care for them.

Be their friend.

Be their biggest fan and cheerleader.

Listen to listen, it is not always solving the problems.

Be genuine.

Be honest and transparent.

Forgive them for any mistakes.

Understand any wrongdoings.  

Tell them that you love them even if you do not like them in that moment.

The last few years has shown all of us that nothing lasts forever.

We need to be more proactive and less reactive.

Our actions should match our words.

We need to remember to live every day with authenticity of our heart, mind, and soul.

Thank you for stopping by.

Have a wonderful week!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne