short writing, thousand words or less

Eating habits – Anxiety and depression point of view

Eating habits – Anxiety and depression point of view

Less than a 1000 words

April 18, 2023

9:42 pm

It is late in the evening and too late to be eating dinner.  We just got home from getting takeout food, again.

Yet, we, my son and I, sleep on and off throughout the day and have no real eating schedule.  

He works various hours and I am a retired disabled veteran.  I am attending school to get new skills and I also go to different therapy groups or appointments throughout the week.

I would love to be the person that cooks these healthy meals full of vegetables, grains, and seafood.  That is what I prefer if I was eating at a restaurant or if I was doing the cooking but I get mentally exhausted just thinking about it.

I know it is depression and anxiety that make me feel overwhelmed about planning meals, shopping, and then cooking or baking.  Right now, I am also going through some emotional events in my life and that never helps with the way I am coping.  Those kinds of moments just add to the pressure that I feel.

I tend to eat junk food or a lot of fast food that borders on binge eating when I get into these moods or periods of feeling down or anxious.  This is the coping mechanism that developed in my late teens to early twenties and I have never fully moved away from it.

It is not always this way and sometimes I end up going in the other direction by being overly compulsive about working out and watching what I am eating. My reactions to things occurring in my life and how they make me feel are never the same.

All of this has been discussed over and over again with therapists, counselors, psychologists, doctors, and psychiatrists but there never has been a solution proposed.  Instead, I have been told that is okay until it starts interfering with my health and it is more acceptable than my previous compulsive behaviors of chain-smoking, drinking, gambling, compulsive shopping, or promiscuity.  Those previous self-destructive behaviors have finally moved out of my thoughts and have not been a problem for more than 15 years now. 

It is now just about choosing to either eat until I start to feel gross or attempting to walk more than 5 miles every day while counting calories.

I have not learned to balance these two choices out and make it a harmonious part of my day, yet.

There is still hope and I know it is all about my thinking.  I know that I am in control of how I want to approach this going forward. I am accountable for my own actions.

Tonight, though, I am tired, emotionally.  I will go ahead and eat parts of what I bought then trash the rest like I always do.  I know it is a waste of food, money, time, and effort on my part but it is how I am coping at the moment, eating and writing.

I know tomorrow will be another new day and another new chance to start over, again.

Thanks for stopping by and supporting this blog.

Have a great week!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!



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