Relationships end. Then what do you do?

Relationships end. Then what do you do?

9/30/2025

5:21 pm

Fights, misunderstandings, infidelity, life events, and differing rates of growth.

A majority of romantic relationships experience at least one or possibly all of these path deviations at one point or another during the life cycle of the relationship.

It is sometimes inevitable. This does not necessarily mean that the relationship will end, sometimes it further strengthens it but it is rare.

It is rare because in order for it to work both people have to be willing to accept it, work through it, and overcome it. It is not about being “right” or “wrong”. It is about acceptance.

We all know that no one is perfect and we are all fallible.  The difference is those that are willing to acknowledge their own shortcomings, idiosyncrasies, bad habits, and sometimes lack of experience. This is how we grow as people by learning what to do and what not to do. We learn compromise which does not include devaluing either person.

The issue is what do you do when it comes to a point where nothing is working?  Do you just walk away?  Do you stay and keep trying to exhaust all avenues until you reach that dead end?  Do you just live with it and ignore the red flags waving everywhere?  At what point do you save yourself and your emotional wellbeing?

These thoughts came up today as I was scrolling through Instagram and seeing the actions of some people that I follow. 

An accusation of cheating was being thrown at a previous coworker by the partner of one of the people that I follow. It also appeared to be the partner took over the person’s social media account when they made the accusation. Let’s call the coworker person A and the accused cheater person B.

There was a notification that a new comment was posted from person B’s account.  Me being the curious person I am began some digging. This was because the nature of the message seemed odd and unlike what they normally post. The choice of words and language did not match. I did some research and found more hateful accusatory comments from the partner less than two days ago on person A’s posts from two years ago. This person is someone that person B worked with more than 2 years ago and as far as I can see, person A has been in a new relationship for more than 8 months now.  

Interestingly enough, I also found a comment on person A’s other social media posts from about 8 months ago by the partner.  This appears to have been going on for a while.  I do not know these individuals and it is all speculation on my part.  I have been following them for about 5 years now.

Yet, after reading through everything, I noticed a subtle reaction from person B afterwards. They have removed some posts the partner tagged them in from their social media. They have been together for more than 9 years.  

I had noticed over the past few years that person B has slowly been changing their social media accounts which no longer include the partner’s activities and they seem to be distancing themselves. That is why I was surprised to see the notification from their business account and what it said. It did not fit what they normally post which is mostly positive. That is why I believe their partner had accessed the account and posed as person B.

After seeing all of this unfolding it made me think about my own marriage and why it failed.

I met my ex-husband on three different occasions before we ever dated.

The first time was while attending a private vocational school for computer programming.  We were in the same class together and I really did not care for him at all.  He never did the work, always made up excuses, and was absent a majority of the time. 

Then when he did talk to us it was always about his latest “conquests” as he called them. He saw himself as a real “ladies man”.  That was my first red flag but at the time I was a new single mom just trying to get a better job to support myself and my child. I was not looking for a relationship, especially from him.  He was way too old for me by about 8 years.

The second time I saw him again was about a year after I completed the school.  He had dropped out before we finished and we never saw him again.  I ran into him at a convenience store, he was the manager on duty, he saw me at the ATM.  I realized it was him and I was courteous but not really friendly.  He asked me how I was doing and it was just a moment of chit chat.  I went on my way and made a mental note to never stop at that store again.  Like I said before, I really did not care for him.

The third time was over three years later; we ended up working at the same rental car company.  He was a branch manager and I was a corporate account customer service rep. I had to talk to him on the phone on a regular basis concerning insurance rentals. I did not realize it was him until they moved the branch to our same building.  He and his staff were on a tour of the different sections when we saw each other. 

At that point in my life, I had ended a year long relationship and also had another baby.  I was finally working full time and had reenlisted back into the military.  I was not seeking another relationship.  He started hanging out at the unofficial smoke hole with the rest of us. Then we started talking about random things and it was about a month before he asked me out.

I wasn’t really sure if I wanted to date anyone again, the previous relationship had not gone well and ended badly, especially after I found out I was pregnant. That person was about 6 years older than me and newly divorced with 3 children of his own.

He thought I was trying to “trap” him into a marriage after I informed him I was pregnant.  Then he felt insulted when I told him I still had other plans and did not want to marry him.  I had just enlisted back into the guard and reserve. 

A previous argument about me re-enlisting is what ended the relationship initially.  He had been angry that I had not consulted him first. I had argued back and said, “Why would I consult you on my own plans, we are not married, and you said you were just a boyfriend that didn’t want anything serious.”  He ended it. I found out I was pregnant 4 weeks later during the military physical and told him.  I went through the pregnancy alone with just me and my other child with little support from my own parents or siblings.  He was never present in our lives and gave up parental rights.

***Continuation – 10/6/2025 12:58 pm

I had digressed in my last writing but it was important to the timeline of events.

I finally had agreed to go out with him, the future ex-husband, after he asked me almost daily for about a month. Then he started getting my fellow coworkers involved in all of it. They wanted to set us up together.

We went to a movie and ended up at a 24 hour fast food restaurant. We talked and talked until almost 6 in the morning before he took me home. The very first thing I did during the date was inform him that I had two children and I was also in the military.  This is important for later but at the time he just saw me as this motivated person working towards something, or so it seemed.

Four weeks later he met my parents when he took us to dinner. That weekend we went away together for the first time.  He proposed, I accepted, and we got married 3 months later in Las Vegas after we moved in together.  It was a whirlwind marriage that most said would not last.  We were married for 17 years before I ended it due to us being two different people by then. There were also other issues with my own mental well-being and the relationship. 

I had just retired from the military and was attempting to finish my bachelor’s degree. He was still working the same jobs and never pursued any of the things we talked about over the years. It was a month or two after I retired when I finally acknowledged his true nature. He was emotionally and verbally abusive. There was no relationship between us. I started making my plans to end the marriage.

My military service was the biggest argument we had every month for 17 years.  He would start complaining about everything, the house, the food, the bills, and even how I looked every Thursday before my drill weekend. These jabs at me would not stop until the Tuesday after drill weekend.  It was much worse when I had to do my two weeks of active duty every year or when I got sent on temporary duty assignments.

Our whole marriage was a giant red flag but I had a purpose in mind. I wanted my children, we had two more after we got married, to have a somewhat stable home even if the outside appearance was deceiving. 

My own grown children did not know the depths of our marriage problems until after he passed away in 2016. It was over a year after our divorce was finalized. That is when we accidently found out about the previous 10 years of infidelity on his part and the woman he had been seeing for at least a year before I filed for divorce. She was his coworker and the one he complained about the most.

He had planned on leaving me to marry her after our youngest graduated high school which at that time was still years away. It was in the emails we found. She passed away two months before our divorce was finalized.  I guess when I decided to separate, find a job, move out, and file for divorce it threw off their plans.

Your own well-being should be at the top of your list. I know that relationships are important and if you become a parent, children should always be first in your mind with every action. This is important and what I learned, you cannot be everything to everyone all the time.

You have to take time for yourself to regroup and refocus. You have to remember your own hopes, dreams, desires, and plans that you want to pursue.

There is a stipulation though when it comes to relationships.  If both individuals are pursuing different things or ideas, supporting one another is first and foremost the base of the relationship.

Be their sounding board, their cheerleader, and also be willing to pick them up, dust them off, and push them to keep going if they fail. This is why relationships fail the most, lack of true compassion, caring, kindness, friendship, and love for one another. We let our ego and pride overshadow everything else because we forget to let our consciousness guide us along the way. To do the right thing when it needs to be done.  Even if that means letting the relationship end.

Then you have someone like me, always motivated, pushing forward, and adjusting my goals as I go while struggling with depression and anxiety due to trauma. I have always been this way.

I am blunt, straightforward, and honest about who I am and what I think.  Most men said they liked that about me. Until they realize it was not an act and this is truly how I am. Then it became a competition or wanting to “put me in my place”.  I have no idea why? Sometimes we were not even pursuing the same things.

In my mind, if just one of them had stayed, imagine how much we could have accomplished by now. That was the problem; they only saw the present and not the future.

They only saw the current version and never imagined who they could be in 5 years, 10 years, or even 20 years from now. 

That was in my thoughts this past weekend as I was driving around.

It was early Sunday morning, a slight cool breeze, some clouds but mostly blue skies. I had the windows down and was listening to the 70’s music playing on my radio as I headed back from grabbing some breakfast to go.  I thought about my ex-husband and the state he was in those last few weeks before he died.

We both knew he was sick.  He refused to let me help him.  He needed to go to the hospital but he would not. I called an emergency room and they told me that even if they sent an ambulance they could not make him go unless they had a court order or he was unconscious and unable to respond. The court order was due to me being his ex-wife and his only closest relatives were his minor children.

He knew it was his time to go. He did not want to admit he had given up. He waited too late when he finally had our oldest child take him to the hospital after they got back from their road trip across the country. 

The only thing he asked me to do was to get his air conditioning fixed on his car. This was so he could go for a Sunday drive. It was summertime. I got his car fixed but he never took that drive, two weeks later, he was gone.

That whole incident and the mental fall out afterwards took a toll on me. It took many years before I finally decided to be in a relationship again.

The relationship I am in has a twist; we have not met in person yet. It has been all online.

We have only video chatted once, and all our conversations are by phone calls, text messages, voice notes, emails, and social media. He has pursued a relationship with me on and off for over 8 years now.

The first two attempts to get to know each other were in 2017 and 2020. I was not ready to start a relationship and we both had other things going on in our lives. The timing was not right for either of us. We parted ways after a couple of months of chatting.

This last time began June of 2022 and we have been talking nonstop ever since.  He has stated that things will progress more after March of next year.  I am not sure what the significance of March of next year means or what he means by progress. He is keeping all of that a surprise according to him. At this point, I am just moving along.  I am a firm believer in “I will believe it when I see it”.  Until then, we will just continue on with our conversations and see where it goes. 

This has only been the second longest relationship I have had with someone. The first was my marriage. I have been impatiently waiting.

I have waited 3 years to be with him, not 3 months like with my former marriage. Maybe patience is a virtue and it will be better this time around. Only time will tell.

I’m not going anywhere and he has said that he is not leaving me again. We talk about a future together and what it will be like. He has been encouraging my artistic endeavors. He also says he wants to take care of me despite my reassuring him that I am fine and do not need anything. I keep reassuring him that we will be fine either way.

I made the statement at the beginning of this writing: “Relationships end. Then what do you do?”

You keep moving. 

You keep dreaming.

You learn from the experience.

You remember to take care of yourself.

You never give up and never surrender. (As quoted from a favorite movie “Galaxy Quest”)

Thank you for stopping by and supporting this blog.

Have a wonderful week!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always.

Suzanne.