Grief, waves of sadness.

Grief, waves of sadness.

9/1/2026

2:05 pm

It is September, we’ve made it through most of the year, and it’s winding down again.

The last 3 months have been a trek through peaks of highs and valleys of lows, emotionally.

This past week reminded the world that things can change in an instant and all we can do is stand in our thoughts, our belief systems, and our humanity.

As I was scrolling through Instagram and seeing not only the devastation of mother nature and the stories of the lives that were lost but also the responses; words and actions of those affected by it directly or indirectly. The stories of those that survived; their lives are forever changed. All I could do is stop, say a prayer for the world, and keep moving.

Then I remembered the people that I follow on Instagram who had been to those same places over the past few years. It was that need to share in those feeling and thoughts with others, indirectly. To follow our natural instinct to group together. Even on social media, a platform of sometimes faceless names, humanity is still there and ever present.

One particular person came to mind in passing and I am not even sure why; I do not follow their account. They recently lost the love of their life suddenly and without warning. They had been together for 18 years. Most would see that as just a blip on the timeline of life but for those in grief, it feels eternal or never-ending. I noticed they have not posted since June. I assume that their mourning requires them to find peace in solitude. I understood why.

I sat there, reading the stories, the comments, and continuing to hold onto that glimmer of hope, keeping faith, and believing in the power of positivity. It reminded me of moments in my lifetime when humanity had come together. Those moments when we forgot about our differences, arguments to be right, and the chaos we all shared in whether as a direct consequence of our actions or as a bystander/witness to it all.

I had spoken briefly about these feeling and thoughts to my online person and even after all these years, it still elicits emotions from me. Grief that still comes in waves of sadness, small waves, but it is still there.

The first emotions were from thoughts about my former marriage that ended too soon, in my opinion, and the ending of my future plans. I could not explain how I felt fully for months after I moved out and left until a therapist told me I was in mourning. Mourning the death of a marriage and the hopes or plans that I had. Then two years later, the death of my ex-husband and father to my children. That is when grief really set in. There were no longer any thoughts of reconciliation nor any more opportunities to approach it. Then the realization of years of infidelity was thrown into the mix. That grief lasted and held onto my soul as I fought against it. 

That internal struggle just kept me in an angry place that I finally let go after intensive therapy. It took almost a decade to find my balance again. I turned to my spiritual beliefs and just let things flow with the universe, asking for guidance. I eventually healed, not completely, there will always be some scars, but I healed more than enough to keep moving on. Those were the thoughts when I remembered the person on Instagram; it will never completely fade, the wave of grief, but it will eventually subside enough to manage the day to day.

The next emotional upheavals were surrounding all the people in media, music, movies and the like who have passed since the beginning of the year. The people who I remember while growing up as a kid or as a parent raising my own children. Facing the reality that we do not live forever not even the people we looked up to, but we can keep the memories. The memories that shape us and mold us into who we will become. Memories of those who influenced and sometimes inspired our own hopes and dreams. I spent a lot of time watching their old movies, television shows, and listening to their music. It was cathartic.

The last emotional thoughts this past week were surrounding an incident that occurred when I was stationed in the state of Mississippi for military training. The gulf coast from mid-summer to early autumn are prone to tropical storms and hurricanes. We were given the shelter in place order during early July 2005 because a tropical storm that eventually turned into a hurricane, Hurricane Dennis, was expected to make landfall within our location. Thankfully it did not. 

I come from a state where it is called “Tornado Alley” and it is commonplace to have thunderstorms turned more destructive. I was used to that but living through a possible hurricane, I was not prepared for. Then a month later we graduated from our program and were packing up to go home.

I had a conversation with the housekeeping personnel, two very lovely and kind women, they were still learning English but we got along fine. They always made sure I got whatever I needed during that two month stay. 

We talked about the previous hurricane threat and I asked them if they were prepared and how did that go for them. That’s when I found out that there had been confusion during their shelter in place and evacuation orders. Unclear communication with the local city and confusing maps of where they were supposed to go. They also did not know they were to bring basic supplies and water for their families. They told me it had been stressful.  

That’s when I gave them all the supplies that I had. It was enough food and water for 5 days. A basic supply of toiletries, sleeping bags, blankets, a wind up radio, a wind up flashlight, a regular flashlight, batteries, and a first aid kit. These were the items on the list that I was given. 

At first they were trying to pay me for it but I told them there was no need, I could not take all of the extra gear with me on the plane and I did not want to throw it away. They gave me a hug, thanked me, and took the supplies to their car. I left the next day and as I was heading to my taxi to the airport, I saw them once more, they gave me another hug, and I said goodbye, thanking them for their hospitality during my stay.

A little over two weeks later, Hurricane Katrina hit, and devastated that whole area. There was nothing left. The destruction went over 10 miles inland. I had been in Biloxi Mississippi for my training. The photos that came across my computer at work that morning were hard to see, all the places we had been to while there, all gone, nothing but concrete slabs and mud everywhere.  The building where we were sheltered in place had mud up to the bottom two floors, the people there were being airlifted from the roofs.

Then the lists of the missing started coming out. Whole families just gone. Whole neighborhoods and communities, gone. Then the lists of those evacuated to Houston and surrounding cities. I never knew their family names. I never knew if they got out okay, the two kind ladies that took care of me.  Even now as I write this, those memories and feelings are still there.  All I could do was send out prayers to the universe for them and all those affected. 

That feeling of helplessness this past week was the same I felt when the Oklahoma City bombing happened here in my state in 1995, the events of 9/11/2001, when the pandemic swept across the world in 2020, and it was the same that I felt this past week over the natural disaster in Nepal-China. Having to be a bystander and witness to the devastation happening. The only solace being shedding the tears, talking about it with others, and saying prayers once again for humanity. 

We live on this floating rock in the universe, think we can control it but only to find out, we cannot. All we can do is live the best lives that we can, treat this earth with respect and care, act when needed, learn to live with each other, and then leave the rest up to the universe.

We live through those waves of grief and learn how to navigate it better.  

We remember those who are lost, mourn with those that are left, and continue to survive.

We reach out, look past our differences, and remember we are all human beings.

That is the words I send out to the universe, that there is still hope, faith, and belief.

That humanity isn’t lost.

Thank you so much for stopping by and supporting this blog.

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne