February 9, 2023
If someone were to come to me and say, “Here, we are going to give you a break, what do you want?”, my answer would be let me have days without the constant dull, achy shoulder pain, arm & hand stiffness, tremors, and anxiety.
I am almost 52 years old and the past 3 years have been the only time in my life where I have been in daily pain and it is causing the anxiety to be higher than normal.
It makes me angry on some days, especially after the tremors that last for several hours rendering my arm useless. It was supposed to be an “Easy fix” and I would be back to normal in “7 to 8 weeks”. Those are the words spoken by the orthopedic surgeon that performed the surgery.
I understand that there always risks with any surgical procedure and it is not fail proof. Sometimes there are complications or the person does not come back to a 100%. I knew those risks and also knew that it was not going to heal on its own, the MRI’s confirmed that, it had to be repaired. It still does not take away the anger that it changed my life, it altered my plans.
I was in the middle of revamping my life. I had finally moved past the depressive episodes, therapy was working, and my work life was becoming more stable. I was happy working the two jobs I had.
The first job as a customer service representative, paid the bills. The second was for fun, I was finally working in a commercial bakery doing cake decorating. Things were finally moving financially and I was beginning to work on the goals I had set aside all those years before.
Then I woke up one morning, in pain, and my arm was not looking good. I spent the next 8 months just trying to get a diagnosis and treatment. I was dealing with the constant pain but continued to work, doing the best that I could. Then all of that ended but I was not fixed as promised.
Now, it has been dealing with the same constant, achy pain that I had before they fixed it, and the added tremors, shoulder stiffness, and the mobility issues of the hand and arm. The pain is only quieted by the 800 mg Ibuprofen, I was taking almost daily. I started cutting back on it because I have been taking this medication for way too long.
I have to push through the pain, discomfort, and anxiety, not very well on some days but it is bearable. I have to find a better way to live with this. Short naps during the day help sometimes and just taking it one day at a time.
I went back to some daily habits that I had before and it is helping.
Meditating, prayers, and affirmations have eased the anxiety filled thoughts.
Finding gratitude in the small things, every day, keep me motivated.
Sticking to a morning routine and doing something creative every day has lifted my spirits.
Venting through writing about this experience is calming and helps keep focus.
Living each day with a promise to myself, that “I can do this” because I have been through much worse and I survived the things that were meant to break me.
I have never backed down from the things that are important to me, and I am not starting now.
I still have some fight left in me.
Thank you for stopping by.
Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!