Things I wish I knew – Life of a retired, divorced, empty nester.

10/9/2024

11:04 pm

The past month I have been on a sort of binge watch of the “Sex and the City” series. When it originally aired from 1998 to 2004, I was newly married, mom to four kids, and still trying figure out my life. I had a few shows that I watched religiously but that series was not one of them, especially with young kids in the house.

I was trying to find a series that I had never watched before and it was on my list. I just started season 6.

Even though this series is a group of metropolitan, successful, single Caucasian women, traits that I cannot relate to in its entirety, at its base is the trials and tribulations that most go through when dating. I can relate to some things but not all because I was never much of a “dater” of people.

As a young woman, who only dated from the age of 19 to 26 before getting married for 17 years, my experience with dating was limited. Most of the first dates turned into long term relationships that lasted anywhere from a couple of months to on average 2 years before ending.

It is ironic while watching this series the realization that when it comes to relationships, there is no straight answers or secret formula to a successful lasting relationship. It is all trial and error.

I see the traits of these four characters and can relate to each one of them.

There is the slightly neurotic, creative, and out of the box one that overthinks everything.

There is the strong, focused, and highly capable one who is career minded.

There is the one who still believes in fairytale romance and tradition.

There is the one with no filter who is open and honest about herself, a little too much sometimes.

I believe we each fit one of those traits at one point in our lives.

The thing is, we should remember to keep the best of us at the forefront of who we are and how we portray ourselves to others. If you are true to yourself, you can never go wrong. If you are true to yourself, it will attract the right people at the right time.

This whole notion of a lasting relationship has been at the heart of most of my trust issues but I have been very honest about it with whoever I meet.

I wrote previously about ending the online relationship after many years of back and forth but in the end, after much argument, many late night talks, and many messages, we are still talking to one another. The communication issues are getting better and that is what I wanted overall. The one thing that I never had with others and the reason why those relationships failed, open and honest communication.

I have encountered men that did not want to show their emotions, share their feelings, or state the issues. To counter that notion that it was not “manly” to talk about these things, I told the online person that these conversations are based on the premise that I was not there to solve anything but to just listen. To be a sounding board if needed or to offer advice if solicited. To just listen and care.

That’s all we really want. To have someone to just be there for us when we need it. Such a simple thing that bears too much weight on every relationship. We have to see that not everyone can be that person for us and that there are those out there that never can be “it” in our lives.

That in order to include others into your life, you have to understand who you are first.

That is when you have to make the decision to stay or go if it is not working.

It took 34 years to see things and to understand them fully. I had to live a married life, a divorced life, and a life of an empty nester to learn these things. If only we had a dating and relationship manual to go by, things would probably be easier.

Instead the universe listens to what we want in our hearts and minds then pushes us in the direction we need to go.

As I continue moving forward into the unknown, I am no longer afraid of it, and will accept whatever the outcome will be. Nothing is ever guaranteed or certain in life. The moment you accept that fact the calmer things become. You will see more opportunities and blessings while having more gratitude for the life you live.

I do not have all the answers and my life experience is unique to only me.

I can only continue to maintain hope, faith, and belief that things will be okay.

Thank you so much for stopping by.

Have a wonderful week!

Peace, love, happiness, and good vibes, always!

Suzanne